Saturday, June 20, 2009

Good news!!

June O3, I lay awake early this morning, I wondered.."How lucky am I?" I had recently discovered that two of the neighbor girls that used to babysit for me had Breast Cancer. One is a survivor, one was just recently diagnosed. I thought about the invisible line that ran from me to them as we were growing up. How lucky I am. I had a recent physical, and I am in fine shape for an old lady. I had a mammogram, the results should be in soon. No worries...
The phone rang, it was the Breast Clinic, I need another mammogram, a special one.
They noticed "something" I had to make decisions fast, where to go for the special tests..I chose to go to Fargo. After all, that is where my primary care Doctor is. I waited for a phone call..and waited.. I called my Doctor's Nurse. She is a lovely gal, she has no more information for me other than the Radiologist saw something. Far Guy came in..and I told him "Now don't get all upset, but I have a tiny problem, I have to have an enhanced Mammogram to see if the "tiny somethings" are anything to worry about." I swore him to secrecy, no one will know until we one needs to be sitting on pins and needles, no one needs to fret. I especially don't want anyone to "hover"..I hate hovering. I may tell my two best friends, they know me well and they will not hover. Am I shocked? NO. Am I worried? YES. Will my worry show? I HOPE NOT. Am I saying why me? NO. Do I think this is fair? It Is not unfair. Am I afraid of death? NO. (But I hate pain.) Right now ..what is a big pain in the butt is waiting for the fricking phone to ring so that an appointment can be scheduled. It might be a harmless might be a cancerous tumor..well lets get this show on the road..and find out.. I hate uncertainty.

June 04 , 2009 Still no appointment for the enhanced mammogram. Still waiting.. waiting really sucks.. I was so stressed out today, I had two naps.. Today I am worrying about my arm that has hurt for weeks, and my leg that has hurt for years..

June 05, 2009 Finally a fricking appointment for the enhanced imaging.. why is it that they don't hesitate to call you with a problem..but you have to wait days for an appointment to begin the solution. Spent some good time with Maddie, it helps to focus on something else.

June 06, 2009 Far Guy and I discussed options, decided that if they find something..they can lop them both off..good riddance. If they only lop off one I would just list to one side or the other anyway. Instead of being my normal top heavy, I would be side heavy..and probably fall on my face. No bras, no more pain in the butt breasts..that is a good thought.

June 07, 2009 Far Guy is really stressed, he is having a major flare of his doubt from the added stress. I told my best friend this morning, she is so supportive and such a good friend. She says " might just have fatty breasts" LOL..yupp they are fat! Thoughts today are dismal..but probably just because I am over tired since Far Guy is still having a flare..and sleeping is difficult for him..I nap here and there.

June 08, 2009 I am a TAD cranky..

June 09, 2009 Sleep is elusive, I am really, really tired. Finally Far Guy is getting some relief from his pain during the day. Nights are a different story.

June 10, 2009 Far Guy has an appointment with his new Neurologist..we get to play ring around the medication rosy. ..again... a dismal day, I saw a beautiful patch of wildflowers.

June 11, 2009 JEEZE LOUISE I am a real bitch, I am better off not talking to anyone or anything except maybe the dog.

June 12, 2009 I refuse to google anything concerning breasts or mammograms.. I feel old and flawed.

June 13, 2009 I call and talk to my other best friend's husband in the cities, he says she will return my call. I just need to hear her voice, she will know immediately that something is amuck. The waiting sucks. Chance and I spend the afternoon at garage sales and at the cemetery..Far Guy is off on a road trip with Trica, they went to get Maddie. I could have gone too, but I just didn't feel like it.

June 14, 2009 A bad day, a really bad day, there seems no escape. I do escape to the neighbors, we talk about the old days when we were kids. Things were simpler then, less complicated. I am exhausted, it is so nice to just sit in the shade and watch all the dogs.

June 15, 2009 I decided today to take control, I AM NOT going to go for the enhanced tests.. Far Guy and I argue, I tell him it is my body and I am in charge and I am not telling anyone the results.. I am unreasonable.. and still cranky. I talk to my friend in the cities, she is encouraging, she has had to return for enhanced imaging also..she says the wait is the worst part. I agree.

June 16, 2009 A few more days..I can wait a few more, I can hang in there and be strong.. I am strong.. I am SO TIRED. I need my hair done, that will perk me up! My friend from the cities calls, with a message her Mother always shared with her....the message "A true friend is a person who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

June 17, 2009 Well at least I will have great lookin' hair for the big boob test tomorrow..finally tomorrow has almost come. I hope I don't flunk this test..I suppose it will be days before I get the results. I am not sure how many more of these stress filled days I can handle.

June 18, 2009 A long quiet ride, we are both wanting this to just be over. It is a beautiful misty morning..gloomy but beautiful. I arrive early for "The Tests" similar to the normal boob masher..except with a smaller upper target area, that squishes your boob with enough force to take you to the floor. The technician is very nice, she shows me my mammograms and points out the areas of concern, three on the right, two on the left, she calls them calcifications. I ask how long until we know the results? She replies "OH most of the time the Radiologist reads them right away, and makes a determination. Either they will be non cancerous, or cancerous or require a biopsy. Ninety percent of the patients that need this enhanced imaging, leave here with the results." FANTASTIC.. no more waiting.. wait tell I tell far Guy and Chance! The stress has been so bad for Far Guy, and I have not been the easiest person to live with the last 15 days either. The tests commence, they are very painful, I tell her If I pass out, to just finish them up while I am unconscious. Everytime I grit my teeth together and make noises she says "I am sorry." Well so am I. I keep telling myself, be nice, be cheerful, she might have RESULTS. What ever they are I can deal with it..just tell me something. I sit in the lonely little cubicle, I have two reading choices, Breast Health or Design a Garden.. I just stare at the floor, and wait, eventually picking up the gardening magazine. The technician returns and says "The Radiologist can not make a determination until he sees all your mammograms from Park Rapids, I reply "You have them, because I have only had two there, a baseline done years ago and this years. All the rest of them should be at this facility, as they were done here. She consults my chart and finds a note .. From J, that says " This patient will be in on Thursday, I have all her prior mammograms." But J is "Out of her office and won't be back until Monday" No one can find out where in the world she put my mammograms, and the Radiologist refuses to do a determination without them. The technician apologises, and says " Maybe someone will get back to you next week sometime, J will be back on Monday, but I am off the first part of next week..sorry. I know the waiting must be terrible." Well I am often speechless like Thumper, and quiet like a small rabbit too..but not for long. I find Far Guy and Chance in the parking lot and explain that because some broad has my mammograms we will not know anything for a while yet. As I gaze into the heavily tinted windows I say "Somewhere in that building, are my mammograms and no one here knows where the F that is ..take me " I cuss some more and then bawl, when we get home, I do sleep for a few hours, then I get up and barf. It has been a day.

June 19, 2009 Well it is a miracle, they are benign calcifications!!! The really nice technician called me this afternoon, with the good news. ...what a relief. I am overjoyed, and so is Far Guy. The Radiologist said " They appear to be benign calcifications, you should come back for another mammogram in six months." How about that!! I just have old lady boobs, a patient and understanding husband, a loyal dog, great lookin' hair color, and special friends that carried me through with their prayers. Now for my blog readers I know that you would have been supportive also, but I just needed to do this alone. You were all very helpful in your own way, with your comments always seeming to come when I was the most discouraged. As for members of my family, some hover, many have worries of their own and don't need me adding to their worries, most have been notified of the "Good News" ..isn't it nice not to have to worry about the bad news before you get the good news. :)


Unknown said...

Connie, I would have done the same thing keeping this to myself and a chosen few who would help me carry that load. I don't want to burdon anyone unnecessarily. I'm so glad you got good news!

A few years ago my husband left on a trip with our son for a fathers day weekend together. 50 minutes after he left I was bent over in severe pain and immediately knew it was kidney stones. I did not call my husband back home, I went to the ER by myself. I knew if I called him he would come back home and for what reason, to watch me scream in pain? No way would I have done that. 48 hours later I had passed three kidney stones and my son and husband had a wonderful weekend together. I would not have changed a thing.

Again, I'm so glad you got good news.;D

flydragon said...

Holy moly. What a terrible 2 weeks you went through!!! I agree with you about not telling family but am glad that you relied on farguy and special friends to help you with the waiting. Sooooo glad the end result was good news!!

Emma Rose said...

Oh my friend, what a time you have had! I'm so happy that you just have "old lady boobs"! Never thought you'd be celebrating that, did you? :) I'm with you on the part about keeping the secret. There are a few people I would ask for prayer, and everyone else would be kept in the dark. My parents live in Southern California and they are both cancer survivors. The amount of time they waited for results was criminal if you ask me. I seriously came close to a nervous breakdown from the stress of not knowing.

I hope Far Guy is doing better now too, and you can both RELAX and enjoy your weekend!

Emma sends kisses for Chance :)

The Duchess

Carol J. said...

I am so glad this turned out good for you. I hate when we are dependent on other "experts", and those "experts" are off in their own world.

Thank heavens for that technician who had the heart to get in touch with you. :)

Unknown said...

Awww, Connie I am so glad you are okay! Whew what a past hellous couple weeks. I understand you not wanting to share with everyone your health so not to worry others. I had a similiar scare last year and the waiting game to hear from the doctors was unbelievably retarded. I lost 5 pounds in a week from being so freaked out. I had myself dead and buried that week. Stupid huh? It just turned out to be some scar tissue from a previous surgery. Whew.
Why can't human medicine be more like veterinary medicine? Make an appointment, do some xrays and your vet reads the results right then and there, all within a 30 minute time frame. Wishful thinking.
I'm so glad you are okay! I feel such relief after reading your post.
Hope you and Far Guy have a special Father's Day!

Feelin' the wind! said...

I'm so glad everything is good Connie. I understand the waiting and worrying. Love you both and miss you!

Karmyn R said...

Good news? - no EXCELLENT news. I'm glad the worrying ended up being over nothing. (but ugh - what horrible worrying).

And what a coincidence. I was working on your book Thursday too! I hope you could feel my "good vibes".

Rae said...

I am very happy for your good news. Waiting and anticipation are so awful and our minds make our imaginations work overtime.

Anonymous said...

Oh good heavens! My heart was in my throat just reading this.

So glad to hear you got some good news - especially as this means Far Guy will also be feeling better...

Girl Tornado said...

OMG Connie, I am so sorry you've been worrying over this... I too know what a toll the worrying can take on one. I had to laugh a lil at your carrying-on with the F bomb when you left the facility -- and the reason I was laughing is because I could just hear myself saying the same stuff and being so pissed off I couldn't stand it!! LOL

My mom had to go for the biopsy last year, which turned out to be nothing. But according to her, the biopsy is very invasive, and painful, and leaves a nasty scar. She said no biggie re: the scar, since she has old lady boobs, lol.

I am glad you are ok, and I'm sorry for all the horrible waiting you had to go thru. It is just a shame that the medical profession couldn't TRY to be a bit more compassionate - after all, they are as human as us, aren't they?!

Jewel said...

I'm glad you are fine....Sorry you had to go through it.

Ziggy Stardust said...

OMG I am exhausted for you. I am so glad that you are ok and sorry that you had to go through all of that misery. I hate those tests, I am large in that area and they hurt like hell. God bless you both and go celebrate.


Ziggy Stardust said...

Get drunk!!


RURAL said...

Connie, I was reading this post just before I had to leave to go to work, and I wanted to comment but did not have the time. I am so very glad that everything is turning out well. What anxiety and worry you have gone through, and such a process to find out the results.

But I am happy to hear that you are fine. Old lady boobs or not. The waiting is so hard, and I can understand why you did not want to say anything.


linda m said...

I am so happy to hear that all it was is "old Age" Never thought I would say that to anyone our age but this time I am happy to say it. Waiting is always so hard accept. We just have to keep the faith that God does answer prayers. Just glad to hear that you are okay.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Thank you everyone for your kind comments, it was a real hard couple of weeks, I am still exhausted..but cheerful!! and way less cranky too! I knew that at any time, I could reach out to you all and get support..that was a great comfort to thank you, you all did more for me than you really realize:)

That Janie Girl said...

Yeah!!! Good news indeed!!!

Lindy said...

Have been there and done that too. The waiting is the absolute worst part of it all. I have bx scars, one on each boob, and it is so scary to go for a mammogram every year. But you must and you do. So glad yours was ok. And I'm totally with you on sharing your news with others. I have a relative who "hovers" and wants to "be there" for me. And it just makes me all the more anxious. Hence, I don't tell her anything. Now relax and enjoy. Hope you have a great week.

Leah said...

Understand, understand! Been thru the mammograms and a biopsy -- best way to take it is that it is precautionary (for awhile there I would regret that time of the year -- the annual appointment) --- I now believe no news is good news! I'm so glad you rec'd wonderful news! Have a great summer weekend!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had good news. I went through the same thing a couple of years ago.

Pamela said...

well "the F word" that they made you wait. Several years back I went thru something like that -- except it was a Stereotactic biopsy.

I had a melt down in the radiology dept of the hospital because the clerk forgot to mail my original mamos to the other hospital.

I think there is still some of my goop on the floor there from that day.

Pamela said...

ps. they needed the originals so they knew where to send that computerized needle