Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dating Instructions File

A few readers wondered what would be in the dating file I leave behind for Far Guy. My instructions and reminders for him just in case I kick the bucket before him. These are just a few of my little old suggestions...

You should start lookin' immediately. We did the vows "till death do us part" it wasn't "till death do us part and a year of extreme mourning." You should be keeping your eyes open at the Funeral Home, I have some nice friends and they might be lonely widows by the time I croak.
I am not sure where you should begin to look for women. The Grocery store might be a good place, or WalMart. You can tell a lot about a woman by what is in her cart. Pass on the ones that are loaded down with prepackaged frozen food, also stay away from the health nuts that have nothing but fruits and vegetables in their carts. Look for someone that has a well rounded cart, with stuff you like to eat in it. Charity Fundraising Dinners might be your best bet, you can get a good home cooked meal and look at your options at the same time. Eat slowly and take your time looking around. There seems to be a dinner in Park Rapids at the Legion or the Eagles Club nearly every Friday or Saturday night.

Now once you meet someone and actually have a date. Times have changed. Your old dating techniques will have to be spiffed up a bit. Meet me at the movie, or meet me at the dance will not work anymore. You are actually going to have to pick the gal up and take her out. Just a side note, If Chance has been doing a lot of riding in the front seat..perhaps you should vacuum it off first. Remember ladies like to have doors opened for them. Now go someplace nice for dinner, someplace without the menu on the wall.

Things to remember when dating. Be polite, don't talk about Politics or Religion. Safe subjects you know a lot about are, Grand kids, Hockey, The History Channel, Music of the 50's and 60's, Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, Woodworking, The Military (another side note..since your speciality was Munitions which includes Bombs..you should not share this info on a first date) and my very favorite COOKING. What woman doesn't appreciate a man that can not only talk about food, but can cook it too!

I hate to scare you, but I must share some dating safety tips with you. If you don't know the ladies family, then you should observe the following safe dating practices. Always keep your hand over the top of your cup of coffee, being careful not to scald your hand. Always be aware of your surroundings, if you leave your coffee unattended then discretely pour it out and get some more. It is very easy for someone to slip something in your coffee that may make you wild and crazy or cause you to forget the entire evening. ANY time you feel uncomfortable, or your personal space has been invaded or if you have been touched inappropriately you should grab your chest and say "I am having a spell, call an Ambulance."

Somehow you have failed to take these dating instructions seriously. The comment you made the other day while I was scoping out seemingly eligible women in WalMart parking lot bothered me. You should think about changing your attitude. You said " I will just wait at home for the ladies to give me a call." Possibly you will be waiting a really long time:)
Far Guy wrote a reply to me..check it out!

9 comments:

  1. You have a great sense of humor and so does your husband. I filled out my tag.

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com

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  2. You two are a riot! You should think about doing stand-up! hehehe

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  3. great list, I guess I should send it to my brother. He just started seeing someone, it's been a year since his wife died. I asked him if it was scary dating a women. He met his wife when they were both kids in high school. he said he told her he wasn't sure if he knew how to do the dating thing. His nieces were not happy to hear about the new women in his life, they loved their aunt so much and miss her something awful.

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  4. Very good advice. Maybe a little too good. Since there are more single women out there than men, they will probably be beating a path to his door. You might want to tell him to also get some more locks put on that door and perhaps some bars for the windows.

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  5. That post was so much fun. What a fantastic list!

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  6. What a great idea...maybe I'll make one for my husband.

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  7. I enjoyed the answers on your tag, I did it too. This post made my day, I'll have to put it in the Bossman's "to do" file. Thanks for writing it for me:)

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  8. Oh my!! This is just too much! Can't wait to go read the reply! :-)

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  9. Oh - my sides are splitting... too.much.laughing...

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Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comments! If you have a question I will try to answer it here. Connie