Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas Party Advice


Well if you have not guessed by now, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are NOT my favorite time of year. I do not get it, never have, will I ever? I am attempting to work through this aversion. I am attempting through this blog to put things into their proper perspective. I believe I have some severe form of Holiday Ho Hums. Today we will venture into (insert danger music here) THE PARTY ZONE!

Never ever serve traveling guests Deviled Eggs and Egg Nog at 6 AM. I was served this once, yes we were to arrive at this Iowa get together at 9PM..unfortunately we were caught in an Ice Storm and our arrival was delayed by nine hours. I ate some of those fancy eggs and slurped some of that not so great nog..I still shudder at the thought.

Never ever count the number of Christmas trees in the entire house..it is impolite and tacky. You should only count the real trees..zero. It is also impolite to rearrange the decorations on those trees. You should not count the number of chaffing dishes on the buffet table, or exclaim "Love your Christmas China, everything is so matchy matchy."

If you are at a party and there is a hot pink and silver tree in the bathroom, and you start giggling and cannot stop. Other guests will stare at you. They will stare at you like you have two heads, one of which may be spinning around. I knew they would stare, I tried really hard, I stayed in there with that tree that must have been the spawn of Mary Kay Cosmetics until I thought my giggles were under control. As soon as I exited that bathroom, my giggles returned. The harder I tried to act normal the more I giggled. Far Guy said "Could you try to get a hold of yourself?" I tried, I really did. What did he want me to do..go outside and stick my head in a snowbank?

Oh the stress of those parties, and wanting to fit in. To look perfect, to say just the right thing at the right time.

Far Guys best friend Gary was in charge of me one year. Gary had a plan to keep me from being so nervous. Well the name of his little plan was Operation: Black Russian. It was only supposed to relax me a little, just enough to keep me from giggling. It was a nice try on his part, but apparently Gary misjudged my alcohol tolerance. I remember very little..the part I do remember involved sitting on the floor in the kitchen talking to the Generals dog while maids in cute little black uniforms with white aprons scurried about. I do recall Far Guy telling Gary " I told you she doesn't drink." Far Guy said "Why in the world did you feel compelled to converse with the dog?" Well duh..the dog was the most interesting person there.

Then there was always the big question of what to wear. Well if it is thirty below zero I am going to wear something warm. If I have spent all day in town Christmas Shopping freezing my butt off going from store to store while the North Dakota wind is blowing fifty miles an hour, the last thing on my mind is high fashion. I am thinking only of warmth. By the time I am delivered appropriated dressed in a non snow pants type outfit, and without a bit of alcohol to relax me. I am a bit tense, and their house is freezing cold, but they have a perfectly good wood burning fireplace with no wood to burn. I should have kept my blue lips shut and not said "I knew it was BYOB but I did not realize that it was BYOW..Bring Your Own Wood."

Well that about wraps up my party advice..one more thing..it's OK if you scatch me off of your Christmas party list:)

The photo today, is one cool party cat Chaucer, he belongs to our daughter Jen!

11 comments:

Ladybird World Mother said...

I must admit I love Christmas, but have aversion just sometimes to parties. Am either in the mood or Not At All. Then either get bored and want to go, or laugh at hot Christmas trees in bathrooms just like you! Awful to get overwhelming giggles at parties for all the wrong reasons.
Hope you get a good giggle this year. Courage, all over this time next month. Bliss.

Leilani Schuck Weatherington said...

I am somewhat relieved that I am not the only one to feel very Ho Hum about Christmas parties. It is a good thing that we don't have friends who have parties. I am either up for a party or it's the last thing in the world I want to do. What Ladybird World Mother said.

The W.O.W. factor! said...

I cannot believe there is really another person out there sharing the Holiday(s) spirits like me!
Do you know how many people think I’m a horrible "Gobbler/Scrooge/Party Pooper"?!
Yet, I don’t give a rat’s patoot!
And this was my fav of your advice:
“It is also impolite to rearrange the decorations on those trees”.
I love to do that…IF I go anywhere and they have a tree (s)!

Unknown said...

I love Christmas but the parties can get very interesting. We went to one this week and they had Vegas type preformers, like Wayne Newton, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. We didn't like it very much so we found ourselves with a small group of friends in the hotel lobby having our own little party. None of us drink or like extremely loud music so why torture ourselves.

I toured a house once on a Christmas Home Tour. The owners were two gay men, and they had a tree in the bathroom that was decorated with tubes of toothpaste, tooth brushes, disposable razors, etc. I thought that was weird. But it wasn't pink!

The W.O.W. factor! said...

Hey FSofF...I would have emaied you, but you lead a 'secret' life.
Yes...Mom's family was raised in St.Paul, actually have a Sis living there now for past 20 years.

Anonymous said...

Oh - that was so funny! I do like Christmas but that is probably because we spend it alone - no family, no parties, no nothing. So, we can lounge around in pajamas eating roasted veggies all day long if we want to.

flydragon said...

LOL If I were to go to Christmas parties, which I don't, you are the one person I would want to be there!! While you would be sitting on the floor talking to the dog, I would be outside sitting in a snow bank. Don't ask.

That Janie Girl said...

I've done 4 parties in 2 days, driven 5 hours for 2 more.

I'm exhausted.

Martha said...

Oooohhh, so that's why I don't get invited to Christmas parties anymore! LOL! Your last two entries had me rolling with laughter. I think we have a lot on common when it comes to the holidays, and I'm missing the shopping gene too! I can't wait until it's sone and over with!

The Author said...

I just laughed out loud as I was reading your entry. I feel exactly as you but I must admit when I was a child (about 50 years ago), I was fascinated by those Mary Kay trees. We could never have one.
I've been in houses where the heat is turned down to zero and the fireplace is not in use and then you are expected to wear cocktail dresses. Not for me either.
You'll definitely be on my party list .

Connie Peterson said...

Come to MY party! I will have one on next Saturday - I will have the house decorated (maybe) with a bunch of real branches in a gallon jar (covered by a Christmas napkin), lights and a lovely star made of dogwood. We will have a lunch party with sandwiches and snacks and tea. I might wear an unstained shirt (or not, depending on my mood). The others will brush their hair and teeth - that's about the extent of getting ready for a party over here!

Talking to the dog IS the best thing about that kind of party that you went to.