Monday, March 28, 2011

Rural Minnesota Heartbreak

My heart breaks for the parents whose daughter was senselessly  murdered last Tuesday evening.  My heart cries for the young men who are now Motherless and Fatherless, they will face the rest of their days knowing without a doubt that their Father murdered their Mother.

Restraining Orders are not worth the paper that they are written on. I cannot imagine how it must feel to live in fear, fear of what your husband it going to do next..how do you sleep ..how do you shelter your children?

In a different incident last week…a seven month old child was left Motherless and Fatherless after her teenage father turned the gun on the childs mother and then himself.  Can you imagine how that child must be crying for her mother..I can and it breaks my heart.

We do not live in a big city or even near a big city. This is rural Minnesota “stuff” like murder and especially murder/suicides do not happen here.  Yet there were two last week…it shakes the core of the entire community.

You can shoulda, coulda, woulda all day long.  What is the solution to domestic violence?   I have a cousin who works in a Women’s Shelter.  She has an unlisted phone number..and you know those little blue signs that give the E-911 address..well she doesn’t have one at her house.  She gets threats on a regular basis. I don’t know how she deals with it but she cannot abandon the women that need her help. Some women are helped..some women are helped..I have to keep reminding myself of that.

So what is the solution..?? Is there a solution? After the funerals have been held and the stories become old news will anything have changed? :(

27 comments:

  1. Nothing will have changed...people will move on to the next story...So sad...

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  2. This is a universal problem that has no bounderies. Awareness and the support of others is what these women need.

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  3. Being a victim of domestic violence when I was young, I can only say "you're right", some are helped. Some get away. I was one of the lucky ones. A piece of paper can not stop violence but it is necessary for the police to take action.

    Women need to keep speaking out. If you are in danger please tell someone. If you know someone in a violent situation, tell her you are there for her. Sometimes these women have no where to turn.

    My heart breaks for this young woman and her child.

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  4. I also was in a horrible situation with my 1st marriage. Luckily, my son and I both got away. It took over a year for my ex-husband to finally leave us alone. But the threats and attacks from him were very real, and very frightening.

    Sadly, I don't think this is ever going to change, it seems to keep getting worse. Like Judy said, people will move on to the next story. :-(

    My heart breaks for the innocents, the children.

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  5. I don't know that there is an answer to the end of such personal violence. I'm sorry for the children.

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  6. I agree with "Kathy" -- we need to speak out, educate and be educated.

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  7. I once lived next door to a women's shelter, and I will never forget the sight of one woman being dragged away by an irate husband. I don't know what happened to her, except her name didn't show up in the paper like these did.

    On another note, I love the birds on your new header.

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  8. Totally senseless and tragic. It seems to be happening more and more. Almost daily there is some sort of similar incident in the national news. I will never understand. My daughter's best friend was shot in a murder-suicide attempt. Her friend survived, but is now quadriplegic with 5 small children. It is heartbreaking.

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  9. I don't know if we have the resources or the awareness here . There is a women's shelter in Rochester... but its thirty miles away

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  10. It's all so tragically sad. Domestic violence fall in no boundaries of class of society. I have an Aunt who was almost killed several time and kept goin' back until her husband went for his little daughter. This is a problem of the ages and I do pray for an answer.

    My heart goes out to both these families on the lost of mothers and fathers. It seems it's always the children who truly suffer.

    I know this must have been very hard to write sweetie.

    God bless and have a peaceful day!

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  11. If I knew a solution, I would scream it from the mountain tops!

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  12. *hugs* ♥
    I don't know what else to say.

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  13. Hooray for your cousin and her work with the women's shelter. It's a terrible problem that probably will never disappearentirely. I do hope that support services continue to extend into rural communities.

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  14. I'm glad you posted about this; perhaps that the only way to raise awareness. I talked to so many abuse victims when I used to answer 911, it was heartbreaking.

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  15. I too lived through a violent time in my life. I had the PPO as they are called here on my ex husband for almost 3 years!! They aren't worth the paper they are written on, the police do nothing to uphold them!!! I'd call and they would tell me to stay in and there was nothing they could do! What good is the PPO then? Things like what happened in your town are saddening. I wish there was something we could do to stop things like this from happening. The women's shelter in our area helped me and 3 of my 4 children to a better life. Kudo's to your cousin for what she does.
    Prayers go out to the families effected in the tragedies.

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  16. Violence of this sort - seems to be human nature... and I doubt it can ever be done away with - the only bleak silverlining is that the couragous woman that is "helping some women" demonstrates the balancing good in human nature.

    For all that, we are left with so much pain, sadness, and destruction of innocence... Our world is "shrinking" with rapid travel - instantaneous global news - and exposure to the worse of human society - that rarely covers the good. We need to "fix" that media slant that "sells the papers" - by not buying the slanted ones.

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  17. Connie, these stores are all very tragic, especially for those left to mourn the victims. We now live in a small town atmosphere after moving here from a much larger area. While senseless tragedies are less, they are still around. We have an abused women's shelter just a few miles from our home and it is kept very busy. Meanness knows no geographic boundaries.

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  18. What a sad situation. My heart goes out to the families of the victims. I feel that with all the "evil"in the world; the total frustration that people feel; and the lack of morals is contributing to all the "meanness" in people that we are seeing. Hopefully more people can seek and get help before it leads to their death.

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  20. I was verbally, mentally aboused by a ex husband for 20 years whom was also very controlling strangely enough I would of prefered to be physically aboused for the bruises and cuts heal eventually but the mental abouse doesnt,he striped me of my confidents and who I was and I am still in the midst of finding it all again it will take years still to this day certain things that are said and how they are said just trigger it all back and hurts and backs me into that corner again. Papa is a wonderful man and hates what I had gone through with the ex, it hurts him to know that there are worthless men out there that are cowards,afraid of their own shadow and reflection that they have to take out on loved ones and kids. I feel for all those physically and mentally aboused. PS sorry about the delet comments werent working properly.

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  21. It should be a lesson to those of us who have sons........teach them to treat women with respect.

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  22. Until people treat each other with respect and love there will always be cruelty, pain, fear, hurt, and deaths. Women, children, seniors, disabled, mentally ill--judgments against another because of race or religion or politics or finances...it all breaks my heart.

    I am very familiar with emotional/verbal abuse and have lived through threats with guns, knives, hammers, and fists. I have been told I was about to be killed more than once. I have experienced the uncontrollable trembling that doesn't subside until hours after you are somewhere "safe". I know what it is like to feel you are not safe anywhere. I have felt the world was just too horribly painful to stay here any longer and tried to leave...several times. May be decades ago now, but you never forget. It is imprinted on your soul.

    Cudos to your cousin and all the people who care enough to reach out a hand to people who need it most. To those people who don't believe they have choices or that anyone cares whether they live or die.

    What helped me get out of abusive relationships (yes, I was dumb enough to fall into new ones)? My baby boy--my son. I may not have thought I was worth protecting, but nobody was going to hurt my son--not emotionally, not physically, not any way on this earth without killing me first. Even crazy people will only push a wild card so far--ROFL! And, dammit, there is just too much beauty and love and breathtaking joy in this world to let go of it. Humanity can fill you with shame and anger sometimes, but it can also shock you with pride and reverence.

    Sorry to go on. Obviously your post touched my soul. Thanks for speaking up, Connie. My heart breaks with you. :):)

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  23. Those headlines always give me some extra worries --

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  24. I didn't realize how far behind I was in reading. This one caught my eye. I volunteered at a women's shelter after they helped me get an order for protection for myself.

    I was one of the people the police would call after an incident (usually at 1:00 AM after the bars closed) so I could talk to the victim and help her create a plan of what to do next. It was frustrating more often than not. Most of the women lacked the confidence to feel they could make it on their own or wanted to give the guy another chance. I understood their predicament, but it was still frustrating.

    I've become interested lately in the shelters that allow families to bring their pets. Dogs and cats are often also abused and used to control their victims. Sometimes women won't leave their pets behind, even if it means they are in danger.

    I just wish such problems did not exist.

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  25. I just read Rita's comment. Yes, this sort of thing does touch a nerve. And my son was also what got me out of my situation. A three year old should not get knocked over trying to slam a door to keep his father away from his mother. That was the breaking point for me.

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  26. That is why I took my children out of school a little early back then, drove many states away, got a job and started over there, and also why I blog anonymously.

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Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comments! If you have a question I will try to answer it here. Connie