Monday, July 20, 2009


Well let's just get this over with! What makes you cranky?

I can be a tad cranky..sometimes even very bitchy. REAL BITCHY.
First of all I called my oldest nephew an asshole, he isn't and wasn't, but he has a hell of a throwing arm and threw Chance's ball half way to the next county. It just kind of slipped out..sorry Josh. I should carry a bar of soap in my pocket, cause there was a small child present, the small child could rub the bar of soap over my teeth..shudder..remember that feeling..fels naptha was terrible..Ivory was not so great either..nor were the bubbles that came out when I tried to rinse my mouth..and it was in my teeth forever..all day long I carried that soapy yucky mouth feeling.

Maybe I should just get the duct tape out.

On Saturday, we went to a garage sale, I bought some great Christmas Ornaments and some beads. Like I need more ornaments or craft bead in my life. I knew this lady, I do not like her. I almost didn't stop at her sale, she is a pain in the butt and if she lived next to me I swear she would drive me nuts. HOWEVER.. I am polite, we parked in the driveway..not on their lawn. Far Guy got into a conversation with her, and decided that she should be the recipient of some of his many hens and chicks he has out back. Well she went on and on about how she loves plants..well whoopee do..I am happy for you. I asked if I could take one photo, I am polite, she said yes, so I took the photo, it was just an old purple wave petunia, but the sun was shining just right. Then she said, bet you miss all your plants? "NO" she had a could I not love and miss plants of all things. Do you miss them a little? "Hell NO" I am thinking, usually I say I miss the customers..but lady not you. That would have been impolite. So then I got to hear her life story, kids, grands, her line of work, her recent knee surgery, who is moving, which grand kid is driving her nuts, and everything she used to sew or cook. I know everything that has happened in her entire life ..except for possibly the last time she had sex. And to top it all off she has developed a new plant in her spare time, it is at the U of MN getting evaluated and she might get a patent. I congratulated her..from the car where I was sitting politely poised to leave. Then she told Far Guy that she would be over to get the hens and chicks. I was exhausted and came home and crashed on the couch. She arrived during my nap, but Far Guy let me sleep, and he gave her a bunch of stuff. When I awoke, he told me all about it, I said fine ..good enough. .. very neighborly. He said she wants to come back and dig some stuff up out of your gardens. OVER MY DEAD BODY. If she wants some of the stuff out back, fine, if it has roots and is in my wildflower garden and I do not want to share..I don't have to. No one can make me either.

Sunday afternoon as we were getting ready to go to a final get together for a friend who will be exiting this earth shortly..guess who called? It was her, Digging Lady, she wants a few more pots of Hostas, and to talk.. I suggested some other day..nope she must come now. here in five minutes.. I went out.. they drove in..they continued to drive between the trees..HELLO there is a huge parking lot..with no cars in it.. they continued to drive and squeezed their vehicle between my garage and a big old oak tree. She rolled down her window and hollered "HI" I said "I DON'T appreciate people driving through my trees and lawn
( might not look manicured but it is still a lawn) " Oh.. where are we supposed to drive? ON The Road. Where should we park? HOW ABOUT BACK AT YOUR HOUSE..right here is fine. She got some Hostas, some of those old pots out back must have 20 Hostas in them, her knees are bad, I got the freaking wheelbarrow, and had to listen to her whole life story all over the woes of being a horse trainer and giving private lessons back in South Dakota. Now she is here and loves plants, and is volunteering her time with many 4 H groups in the area to promote gardening.. when I asked which 4 H group it became just a group of people that need help because they know nothing about gardening. She can't understand why I have so many she started pulling them.. I tell her "I love weeds, all weeds will eventually flower." She can't stand weeds. She grins as she rips some out of the ground and says "this would drive me nuts." I almost suggested that she try some of the thistle with her bare hands. I have news for her, she could drive someone totally insane..way back to normal again. She wants to dig now, she is dying to have some Erigeron..
it is impressive and in full bloom among some weeds in my wildflower area.
She also wants my very old has baby seedlings that I will share with FRIENDS. Possibly NOT with her. Suppose she wants Far Guy and Chance too?? She is insistent about digging..but has no shovel, I say "NO DIGGING TODAY." and "I AM SORRY I HAVE TO GET READY TO TO GO." I went in the house, and Far Guy took over, he loaded her hostas, but she left her name and phone number on a red piece of paper for me, for when I feel like inviting her over to dig. .. it looked beautiful shredded:)


Rae said...

Too bad Chance isn't mean. He could have nipped at her heels. She sounds evil to me. You were nicer than I would have been. I wouldn't have let her dig anything in my yard. I would have offered her the weeds across the street from my house.

Becca's Dirt said...

Hey Connie - reading your post just made me smile. I know you're glad someone smiled at that. You are too funny. I know the feeling though. I don't think I would like her either from the way she sounds.

Anonymous said...

I'm laughing too. She is the kind of person who can pick me out of a crowd of 1,000 because I look nice (or perhaps I have "chump" tattooed on my forehead!) Anyway, as a young adult, I was bashful, quiet, and got walked on by everybody!! Not any longer. I just don't have the patience nor do I feel good enough for people like her any longer. She's the type that you can never make mad, the type that will never take a hint! I think she possible could be someone I know even though we are miles and miles apart! Good luck!

Karmyn R said...

I am glad you are out of the hospital and mended!

And oh boy - does this lady remind me of my husband's aunt. She was the worst. She would start and sell plants for charity - use the money to give to different organizations. However, if she cornered you, she would tell you down to the PENNY how much she gave to each charity and which plants sold the best and how much she got for each plant. It was always a horror. (sadly, or thank goodness, she now has dementia and can't remember a thing).

Anyway - once she came to my house and saw all of my flowers and before she left gave me a list of every single seed I was to gather and send to her...and bare roots too. Oh - and I was to label them all properly too. Like I have time for that.

RURAL said...

Oh my we are cranky aren't we? Teh he!

OK it was completely and totally justified on your part, does this woman have no boundaries?

I guess I should talk.....right?

I had a friend hang up on me the other night, because after she went on and on, and on, and on, about how busy her life was, and how stressed she was....she wanted me to make a special card for her friend. She acted like she was bestowing a favor on me.

When I mentioned finally that I was kind of busy right now making a stirfry and it was time sensitive, she blurted out, "well I didn't expect you to make it right this minute". And then she hung up.

This woman that is bothering you, could definitely use some manners, and some firm boundaries.

I love the last line, it looked beautiful shredded! Good luck with her.


L. D. said...

I want to say something encouraging, I wish I could take it away for you. I feel your pain as there are those out there that are ripping up waiters and waitress, those who are adults shoving in line, and they just are more important than others. I know that some people can't hear the word no. There are givers, and there are takers. A severe taker deserves a place of their own, far, far away from the rest of us. Hang in there.

Karen Anne said...

I hate it when people who are in my yard think they can pull up "weeds." No, those are not weeds, those are things I grow on purpose, like clover, which fixes nitrogen. And I happen to like thistles, which attract bees and birds.

What's with this no awareness of boundaries business with some people. Well, that's my grump for the day :-)

Jewel said...

Can you send her to my house?.....I have a lot of weeds, she can take pull and burn the goat head weed, don't know the real name.

Liz in PA said...

Oh Connie~ You are just what I needed today!
.......hubby was my you may understand why I needed HUMOR in capital letters by the time we arrived back home from a Dr. appt. and a few errands!

You are feeling much better and I can tell.....
Chance and Far Guy are so lucky to have:

You say it like it is......and are so clever to know exactly the way to handle an odd phone number and weird name on a piece of paper!

YOU GO GIRL! I like your style!

Emma Rose said...

You ARE cranky! Ha! The part I love is that you are so willing to share it with all of us. I hate for people to know how cranky I am :) My husband is always offering stuff to people and it drives me crazy. We work our butts off to cut, split and stack firewood to keep us warm in the winter and he gives a bunch of it away to guys he works with so they can have a nice fire when they are camping. Ugh!

Always be yourself - it's delightful!
The Duchess

Jeanne Estridge said...

Connie, this may be the funniest post you've ever written. You're just too Minnesota nice to get a real cranky going! (I can't believe you called your nephew an asshole -- I'm still grinning over that one.)

Hope you feel better soon....

The Retired One said...

Wow. She sure sounded pushy.
You don't have to worry about being cranky or apologize.
Just tell her: "I can't talk to you any longer and you will have to leave. I am not feeling well".
How would anyone have a response to THAT one, other than shut up and leave?
And, so what if you really feel better..she doesn't have to know that!!

West Side of Straight said...

Oh my God - seems that I can't get home fast enough to rescue you - so that we can get on with our own side trips to some one elses' ditches, etc.!!!!!!!!!
See you soon. Hope you're not as "bitchy" when I get home! ha ha--we can be two old b------ together!

Anonymous said...

Oh my! You are cranky today.

Eat chocolate and laugh - that's my cure!

Martha said...

Oh you are too funny when you're cranky! What a great entry! I love it! :-)

Debbie said...

Boy! This woman really pushes your buttons...big time! It sounds like you managed to keep your inside voice intact with her though! Good for you.:)

Pamela said...

my mama would have said "That woman has the gall." I'm not sure what the gall is, do you?
But whatever it is, the digging lady sure has it.

Lanny said...

Bet she'd look as good as her phone number in the shredder. Just kidding, kinda. Man, your digger lady trumps my dreadlock Greenlander by a mile, cause she lives by you! Sometimes these things make me want to take a large break from people. But then I start to miss the good ones.