Monday Madness on Tuesday

 Well...it was a miracle that we got Internet, TV and Phone service.   The technician called and said "I do not know what happened, but your service has been restored."  Huh...you don't know what you are doing...a gal on Saturday told us that a system "migration" was happening but it should not bother us...my guess is that we got migrated to some internet netherland.   They are supposed to be keeping one eye on our problem.  The tv goes in and out...it says the connection has been lost...there is still something rotten in netherlands.   I let Far Guy deal with them...I would just want to rip someones testicles off. 

Speaking of getting ripped off...our Postal System sucks.  We have a new substitute mail man who doesn't know where anyone lives...he and I had a discussion on Monday morning ( do not leave a official notice that says I was not home at mail delivery time because you were confused by three mail boxes...you were just stupid and lazy)...he now knows where I live.  And the stupid broad in the Post Office doesn't wear her mask over her nose just her big mouth. AND I entrusted my big girl camera into this system so it can be cleaned and repaired...and I feel naked without that camera...I have separation issues. 

Remember that refrigerator I ordered on November 5 ?  From a local business and I ordered an Amana...made in Newton Iowa...not even a foreign country involved.  Not a huge special order either...it should have an ice maker that actually makes ice and the rest of the fridge should be cool.  January 15 was the delivery date.  I waited a long time past that date to call....I should get a gold star!!  The local business said " If it was here we would have called you.  WE don't know where it is."  108 days.   Uffda.  Good thing our old fridge is still working...but with our rotten luck with things breaking down in the past few weeks...you never know...at least outside is one huge refrigerator.  Buy American they say...

Well there it is...and the shot last week makes me have hot flashes...how in the world it found one crappy hormone left in this old body I am not sure.   My arm is back to normal...but I am still tired.  Tired and cranky...bet you couldn't guess.  

Oh well it could be worse we could live in Texas.  

 

Scrubbies I finished over the weekend.

Far Side

In Town

One day we headed to town, I was feeling better and it was good to get out.  We visited my parents, I had been staying away from them because of my cold/crud.  We had coffee and Chance got more than a few cookies…no wonder he starts to drool as soon as he sees their house.

I had a Wallyworld list…and guess what I saw in the parking lot…proof that six idiots had visited the store.  Far Guy said “take a picture”  so I did.

Yes, it had snowed and the lines denoting the parking spots could not be seen…but really there is a sign plain as day.  Doesn’t Wallyworld have video cameras?   Certainly someone saw all the carts taking up a handicapped spot?

It takes a lot of nerve to just leave your cart in the regular parking lot.  It must take people with partial lobotomies or voluminous testicles to push a cart into a handicapped spot.  
 

Perfume Patrol

Recently we had a “perfume encounter”…it was bad.  We moved Far Guy as far away as we could from the airspace.  He was still sick for more than 24 hours, he said he felt like his lungs were burned.  Me… I just got a migraine headache…no fun but when we go out we have to put up with second hand perfume and the consequences.

This lady obviously blew out what ever olfactory cells she had left and then spritzed on more perfume.   How can people not know they smell horrid.  Do they do it to be younger, sexier or what?

Perfume sucks.  I don’t care if it is in your hand lotion or your bug spray…your shampoo or body wash…Good Lord you make life miserable for some people. For those of you who wear perfume…you smell bad…couldn’t you just take a regular bath instead of a perfume bath? 

I am tempted to make up cards that say “Your perfume stinks and so do you.”   How about a flag that I can wave that says Perfume Patrol and just bop the stinky numbskulls on the head….I would probably end up in jail.  How about we carry gas masks with us every place we go and pop them on when smelly people arrive.

We are held captive most of the winter, enclosed spaces with a cornucopia of perfumey women and after shavey men are just to much for Far Guy.  Now that spring is here we would really like to go more places.

We can go to garage sales…and open air spaces…because we can move away from perfumey people.  Church is really really difficult. They should have outside seating or maybe a drive up church service.

Did you know that perfume companies don’t have to list their “secret” ingredients?  Like vomit of sperm whales…oh and musk…do you know that comes from the glands of a male musk deer..and how about some feces from civet cats?  Perhaps cut with a few dirty diapers. 

Sure, I have heard it said “I only wear a little perfume.”  Try no perfume for ten days, I don’t think you will go through withdrawal.  Some say oh it must be my hand lotion…well try some coconut oil instead of that shit you rub on your hands.  Got questions?  Stop by my house and I will give you my honest opinion of your perfume…outside.

Theatre, Opera and a Whine

The Theatre was really enjoyable, one of my cousin’s daughters had a part in Dixie Swim Club..what a hoot.  Even Far Guy enjoyed it.

But the Opera..oh Lordy.  B.O.R.I.N.G. I kept falling asleep.  The group scenes were wonderful but the scenes with two singers singing forth and back, back and forth..just lulled me to sleep. Three hours of singing was a tad much for me to endure. Far Guy and I concurred that if we had been there by ourselves we would have left at intermission and saved ourselves some misery. We had four friends in the production and one relative…they all performed wonderfully..it is not their fault that we have little or no appreciation of really fine musical productions.

I was supposed to have Saturday off to attend a family reunion..but no one volunteered to work for me.  Such is life.  Today my supposed day off is full of meetings and programs late in the day. I am tired.  Last week was pretty much “hell week” at the museum…early openings because of the rummage sale…not enough volunteers to go around…board members that assured me they would show up but “forgot.”  They forget that they are supposed to be part of a team, and a team is only as strong as it’s weakest link. I am  real tired of leading the blind and there is no way I can send enough messages to the one with dementia, the two in absentia are no help at all and one shows up every Tuesday to tell me he is way too busy to be bothered with museum “stuff.”  That leaves me with two active Board members…thank goodness for those two.  2/7 is better than 0/7

Have you ever thought you were in a real slow boat headed nowhere?:(

Cranky

Well let's just get this over with! What makes you cranky?

I can be a tad cranky..sometimes even very bitchy. REAL BITCHY.

First of all I called my oldest nephew an asshole, he isn't and wasn't, but he has a hell of a throwing arm and threw Chance's ball half way to the next county. It just kind of slipped out..sorry Josh. I should carry a bar of soap in my pocket, cause there was a small child present, the small child could rub the bar of soap over my teeth..shudder..remember that feeling..fels naptha was terrible..Ivory was not so great either..nor were the bubbles that came out when I tried to rinse my mouth..and it was in my teeth forever..all day long I carried that soapy yucky mouth feeling.

Maybe I should just get the duct tape out.

On Saturday, we went to a garage sale, I bought some great Christmas Ornaments and some beads. Like I need more ornaments or craft bead in my life. I knew this lady, I do not like her. I almost didn't stop at her sale, she is a pain in the butt and if she lived next to me I swear she would drive me nuts. HOWEVER.. I am polite, we parked in the driveway..not on their lawn. Far Guy got into a conversation with her, and decided that she should be the recipient of some of his many hens and chicks he has out back. Well she went on and on about how she loves plants..well whoopee do..I am happy for you. I asked if I could take one photo, I am polite, she said yes, so I took the photo, it was just an old purple wave petunia, but the sun was shining just right. Then she said, bet you miss all your plants? "NO" she had a cow..how could I not love and miss plants of all things. Do you miss them a little? "Hell NO" I am thinking, usually I say I miss the customers..but lady not you. That would have been impolite. So then I got to hear her life story, kids, grands, her line of work, her recent knee surgery, who is moving, which grand kid is driving her nuts, and everything she used to sew or cook. I know everything that has happened in her entire life ..except for possibly the last time she had sex. And to top it all off she has developed a new plant in her spare time, it is at the U of MN getting evaluated and she might get a patent. I congratulated her..from the car where I was sitting politely poised to leave. Then she told Far Guy that she would be over to get the hens and chicks. I was exhausted and came home and crashed on the couch. She arrived during my nap, but Far Guy let me sleep, and he gave her a bunch of stuff. When I awoke, he told me all about it, I said fine ..good enough. .. very neighborly. He said she wants to come back and dig some stuff up out of your gardens. OVER MY DEAD BODY. If she wants some of the stuff out back, fine, if it has roots and is in my wildflower garden and I do not want to share..I don't have to. No one can make me either.

Sunday afternoon as we were getting ready to go to a final get together for a friend who will be exiting this earth shortly..guess who called? It was her, Digging Lady, she wants a few more pots of Hostas, and to talk.. I suggested some other day..nope she must come now. FINE..be here in five minutes.. I went out.. they drove in..they continued to drive between the trees..HELLO there is a huge parking lot..with no cars in it.. they continued to drive and squeezed their vehicle between my garage and a big old oak tree. She rolled down her window and hollered "HI" I said "I DON'T appreciate people driving through my trees and lawn

( yah..it might not look manicured but it is still a lawn) " Oh.. where are we supposed to drive? ON The Road. Where should we park? HOW ABOUT BACK AT YOUR HOUSE..right here is fine. She got some Hostas, some of those old pots out back must have 20 Hostas in them, her knees are bad, I got the freaking wheelbarrow, and had to listen to her whole life story all over again..plus the woes of being a horse trainer and giving private lessons back in South Dakota. Now she is here and loves plants, and is volunteering her time with many 4 H groups in the area to promote gardening.. when I asked which 4 H group it became just a group of people that need help because they know nothing about gardening. She can't understand why I have so many weeds..as she started pulling them.. I tell her "I love weeds, all weeds will eventually flower." She can't stand weeds. She grins as she rips some out of the ground and says "this would drive me nuts." I almost suggested that she try some of the thistle with her bare hands. I have news for her, she could drive someone totally insane..way back to normal again. She wants to dig now, she is dying to have some Erigeron..

it is impressive and in full bloom among some weeds in my wildflower area.
She also wants my very old clematis..it has baby seedlings that I will share with FRIENDS. Possibly NOT with her. Suppose she wants Far Guy and Chance too?? She is insistent about digging..but has no shovel, I say "NO DIGGING TODAY." and "I AM SORRY I HAVE TO GET READY TO TO GO." I went in the house, and Far Guy took over, he loaded her hostas, but she left her name and phone number on a red piece of paper for me, for when I feel like inviting her over to dig. .. it looked beautiful shredded:)