I can be a tad cranky..sometimes even very bitchy. REAL BITCHY.
First of all I called my oldest nephew an asshole, he isn't and wasn't, but he has a hell of a throwing arm and threw Chance's ball half way to the next county. It just kind of slipped out..sorry Josh. I should carry a bar of soap in my pocket, cause there was a small child present, the small child could rub the bar of soap over my teeth..shudder..remember that feeling..fels naptha was terrible..Ivory was not so great either..nor were the bubbles that came out when I tried to rinse my mouth..and it was in my teeth forever..all day long I carried that soapy yucky mouth feeling.
Maybe I should just get the duct tape out.
On Saturday, we went to a garage sale, I bought some great Christmas Ornaments and some beads. Like I need more ornaments or craft bead in my life. I knew this lady, I do not like her. I almost didn't stop at her sale, she is a pain in the butt and if she lived next to me I swear she would drive me nuts. HOWEVER.. I am polite, we parked in the driveway..not on their lawn. Far Guy got into a conversation with her, and decided that she should be the recipient of some of his many hens and chicks he has out back. Well she went on and on about how she loves plants..well whoopee do..I am happy for you. I asked if I could take one photo, I am polite, she said yes, so I took the photo, it was just an old purple wave petunia, but the sun was shining just right. Then she said, bet you miss all your plants? "NO" she had a cow..how could I not love and miss plants of all things. Do you miss them a little? "Hell NO" I am thinking, usually I say I miss the customers..but lady not you. That would have been impolite. So then I got to hear her life story, kids, grands, her line of work, her recent knee surgery, who is moving, which grand kid is driving her nuts, and everything she used to sew or cook. I know everything that has happened in her entire life ..except for possibly the last time she had sex. And to top it all off she has developed a new plant in her spare time, it is at the U of MN getting evaluated and she might get a patent. I congratulated her..from the car where I was sitting politely poised to leave. Then she told Far Guy that she would be over to get the hens and chicks. I was exhausted and came home and crashed on the couch. She arrived during my nap, but Far Guy let me sleep, and he gave her a bunch of stuff. When I awoke, he told me all about it, I said fine ..good enough. .. very neighborly. He said she wants to come back and dig some stuff up out of your gardens. OVER MY DEAD BODY. If she wants some of the stuff out back, fine, if it has roots and is in my wildflower garden and I do not want to share..I don't have to. No one can make me either.
Sunday afternoon as we were getting ready to go to a final get together for a friend who will be exiting this earth shortly..guess who called? It was her, Digging Lady, she wants a few more pots of Hostas, and to talk.. I suggested some other day..nope she must come now. FINE..be here in five minutes.. I went out.. they drove in..they continued to drive between the trees..HELLO there is a huge parking lot..with no cars in it.. they continued to drive and squeezed their vehicle between my garage and a big old oak tree. She rolled down her window and hollered "HI" I said "I DON'T appreciate people driving through my trees and lawn
( yah..it might not look manicured but it is still a lawn) " Oh.. where are we supposed to drive? ON The Road. Where should we park? HOW ABOUT BACK AT YOUR HOUSE..right here is fine. She got some Hostas, some of those old pots out back must have 20 Hostas in them, her knees are bad, I got the freaking wheelbarrow, and had to listen to her whole life story all over again..plus the woes of being a horse trainer and giving private lessons back in South Dakota. Now she is here and loves plants, and is volunteering her time with many 4 H groups in the area to promote gardening.. when I asked which 4 H group it became just a group of people that need help because they know nothing about gardening. She can't understand why I have so many weeds..as she started pulling them.. I tell her "I love weeds, all weeds will eventually flower." She can't stand weeds. She grins as she rips some out of the ground and says "this would drive me nuts." I almost suggested that she try some of the thistle with her bare hands. I have news for her, she could drive someone totally insane..way back to normal again. She wants to dig now, she is dying to have some Erigeron..it is impressive and in full bloom among some weeds in my wildflower area.
She also wants my very old clematis..it has baby seedlings that I will share with FRIENDS. Possibly NOT with her. Suppose she wants Far Guy and Chance too?? She is insistent about digging..but has no shovel, I say "NO DIGGING TODAY." and "I AM SORRY I HAVE TO GET READY TO TO GO." I went in the house, and Far Guy took over, he loaded her hostas, but she left her name and phone number on a red piece of paper for me, for when I feel like inviting her over to dig. .. it looked beautiful shredded:)