Aunt Karen’s Dash

I have an Uncle and Aunt who are twins who were born two month after I was born.

Uncle Kenny and Aunt Karen although I never called them that.

They were twins but totally different in personality.

This photo in 1952 says it all.  Karen is crying, Kenny is wondering what she is bawling about and I am on my way out of the situation.

Karen on the left and me on the far right in 1954, the little girl in the middle her name was Connie also.

Kenny, Carey, Me with Deb, Karen

Vickie, Diane and Maxine

It must have been Diane’s birthday party.

All of us grew up together, we saw each other just about every Sunday because everyone gathered at my Grandparents on Sunday for dinner.

I got along just fine with Kenny.  Karen not so much, she was always getting someone in trouble and I was often punished because she was a Miss Tattletail.

I was usually off with Kenny and my baby brother doing “stuff”…you know…jumping from hummock to hummock in the swamp, poking long sticks down into the oozey bog where the ground would move, playing games with sticks and balls, Anty I Over, Hide and Seek.  We could play outside all afternoon and be entertained until it was time to eat dinner or go home. Karen was mostly in the house playing with dolls.

Both Kenny and Karen were attendants when Far Guy and I got married.

Karen got married in 1970, she had two maybe three kids and while those children were little she divorced her husband. 

The last time I saw her was in May of 2004.  It was at her sister’s funeral visitation (Marion).  I expressed my sympathy and inquired about her children.  We really never had much in common.

My Mother had four sisters.

Toots, Karen, Grandma, Skip, Madeline (My Mom) and Marion in 1977.  This photo was taken at my Grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary.

My Aunt Karen died on May 24 2017, she was living in a Nursing Facility in Florida near her daughter.  She was 65 years old.

Now my Mom has no living sisters.  She does have two brothers still alive.  Once there were twelve children and only three remain.

I know that Karen was Confirmed in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod because I was there.  I suspect that she eventually grew up a bit.  She had a hard life being a single mother. My Mother always tried to make her feel special.

 

I should know more about her dash, but I don’t.  Sometimes it is really hard to put childhood conflicts behind you. We co existed on Sundays because we had to “get along” growing up. I did not go out of my way to learn more about her once we reached adulthood.

I hope she had a good life and enjoyed her children and grandchildren.   

Cathie and Marilyn

My best friend in High School was a girl named Cathie.  I met Cathie in seventh grade…her last name a W and mine a Y meant that every class where the kids were seated alphabetically I often sat right behind her or very close to her.

Being a farm kid having a friend in town had it’s perks.  I had a safe place to go after school and a place to stay all night if needed.  I loved going there…I no longer had to be the oldest and most responsible… Cathie was the middle child, Cathie’s brother was older…and her sister the youngest.  I also didn’t “have” to do dishes although I often did.  The girls had their own bathroom and didn’t have to share!  What a perk…at home I had to share with four other people and Cathie just had to share with her sister.

Cathie’s mother was Marilyn.  Marilyn made you feel like you were just one of the family.

Marilyn would set the breakfast table the night before…it must have been the last thing she did at night.  In the morning grapefruits would be cut in half and the sections would be cut so they were easy to get out with your grapefruit spoon.  I had no experience with a grapefruit spoon until then.  She was a good cook too, sometimes she would get out the white tablecloths and extra tables would go from the dining room straight into the living room…and there was no “kids” table.  Gravy in a boat…and real napkins.  “May I be excused?”  Sometimes she was kind of formal…no one was excused from the table until they asked to be excused.

Marilyn always had time to listen to what you had to say…sometimes if my point of view was a bit skewed (which it often was) she would put one hand on her hip and say “Now Connie…”  and then proceed to give me some input that may or may not change my mind.

Marilyn and the kids were in church every Sunday…it was nice to have a friend held captive on Sunday mornings just like I was.

When my sister was born, my Dad went back to the Cities to work until Mom could come home from the hospital.  It was Marilyn that drove out to the farm and picked us all up to go and see our new baby sister in Detroit Lakes Minnesota.  I was fifteen and could have driven to Detroit Lakes myself…but Marilyn was happy to take us….it was probably safer too!

Marilyn was a working single mother for a number of years…until she met Bob and remarried. When all the kids were gone from home, Marilyn and Bob were in church most Sundays in the wintertime…Bob worked on the Ore Boats out of Duluth.  He belonged to a different church but after the kids left home he most often attended with Marilyn.

Bob died in 1991.  An aneurism took him quickly.  Marilyn left for her heavenly home and  joined Bob on November 5 2015.  The funeral was yesterday.  It was a very nice service with some wonderful messages.  A granddaughter talked about “The Dash” and read the poem along with some heartfelt sharing of her Grandma’s dash.

Cathie has been her mother’s caregiver for years.

Cathie will have some time on her hands now, being strong like her Mother she will carry on.  My hope for her is that she will concentrate on her grandchildren and be the best grandma ever.

Cathie and her brother read my blog just about everyday. I would like to thank them for sharing their wonderful mother with me.  A honest woman of faith, strength and laughter who made a great impact on me in my teenage/young adult years.

Your Dash

I am working on some area history.  I must be the local history nut idiot. 

I want to know who used to live where all the lilac bushes are.  What did they do…where were the country schools?  Where did they come from and what were their children’s names?  What happened to them..what does their dash look like?

I am also TRYING to get conversations started on the Historical Museums Facebook page.  It is like pulling teeth.  If we don’t record the history now it will be lost in a few more generations.  OR maybe no one will care anymore. Well I care and I will keep bugging people to share what they know.

No one except God knows how many days are in your dash.  You should make the most of what time you have on this earth.

I guess that goes for you blog readers too.  Take the time to write down your family history, it doesn’t have to be beautifully written, just the facts will do, make copies and give them to your kids and then mail off a copy to the Historical Museum in the County where you were born and where your parents lived.  Someday someone may be searching for that information.  If your parents owned a business that is very important, send in the name of the business its physical street address and the years it was open. 

I see many struggling Genealogists searching for answers.  If everyone would just share what they know it would make a difference.  I just know it would.

Saying Goodbye

I had a very dear friend in Indiana who had ALS.  She called to tell me about it…and to say goodbye.  Her failing speech made phone conversations difficult and frustrating for her. We continued to write back and forth.  She loved my notecards and said they made her smile!   She requested no extraordinary measures…she was an ICU Nurse all her life and did not want to live on a vent.   She was at peace and was ready to leave this world where her body failed her but her mind was sharp as a tack.  I told her Bill would be waiting for her..and Abby too…she laughed and said “Won’t that be great!”  No more cards are going to Indiana.  The last card I sent her way was answered by her brother…she died early one morning. She escaped the ALS that overtook her body. Joan was 61 years old. I have known her for 27 years. Her husband Bill died several years ago. 

So when is goodbye final?  When I sent her brother a sympathy card?  When I get to see the date inscribed at Find a Grave?  When I do something special to honor her memory? 

I thought these bees were overloaded on pollen.  Then I noticed that the one in the center with the golden butt was not moving.  The others were buzzing around landing and taking off..perhaps it was a bee funeral…or perhaps the bee was almost dead and his/her friends were saying goodbye. There were many other plants to collect pollen from yet they picked this one to buzz around incessantly. They apparently knew something I did not.  

Celebration of Life…that’s what they are calling a service for another friend who died last Sunday.  He prepared his own obituary and had a hand in planning his service.  Mantle cell leukemia sucks. That service is planned for three weeks after his death.  Seems like a long time to wait..but I am sure  Faye wants to give him a great sendoff.

We are getting to the age where there will be more deaths, more celebrations of lives well lived and more letters in the mail with sad news. Many more goodbyes to say:(

Twin Lupines and Twin Thoughts

Recently in the very wild weedy gardens, a Lupine had twins. Of course I photographed them. They began as one bloom and then something happened probably during the bud development, and two flower stalks formed where one is the norm. I used to know all the technical terms, after reading for some time, and just short of getting out some of my old textbooks I gave up and said "So what..forget the why, and enjoy the darn flower." Lupin or Lupine ( North American) ..both are correct spellings..at any rate they are beautiful plants.

Twins were on my mind this morning, and I really didn't know why, until I looked at the calendar. Jen made me a special calendar this year, I like to keep track of birthdays, and anniversaries, so she made me a calendar that has photographs of special people and their special days. Two little very different faces occupy this day on my calendar. Five year old today faces, of my great nephews, fraternal twins, both look very different, both are unique individuals. The party is on Sunday!

I have an Uncle and Aunt that are twins, my Grandmother gave birth to them two months after I was born, they are as different as night and day. I have twin cousins, they are not identical, but close enough that most people cannot tell them apart. Most people tell them apart by their wives, one married a blond, one a brunette. Far Guy's parents had twins, a boy and a girl back in 1942, they were born and died on the same day. It was very sad, and was not something they talked about very much. They lived in Omaha at the time, so not many relatives can even fill in the blanks. Our daughter Trica finally wrote and got their birth and death certificates.. we always wondered where the twins were buried. We still don't know, as the hospital took care of all the details. I guess years ago, they just did mass burials of babies that were born too soon. Far Guy's Dad got to see them, and he told me once that he held one of them, Far Guy's Mom was not awake, this was back when most Mother's were rendered unconscious for the birth of their children in hospitals. Philip Leroy lived for 2 hours, Elizabeth Ann for 6 hours and 13 minutes. Not nearly long enough, their dashes were short. Their dashes were hardly recognized, they were not listed when Far Guys Dad died, but the hand written obituary that Far Guy's Mom left behind included them.

Abra a blogging friend, came up with the "dashes" she once wrote that it is what you do with your dash that is important, not the dates at the beginning or the end:)

The twin Lupines are on the left in these last two photos, as usual click on them to see an enlarged view!