Wistful Wednesday: Twenty Years ago

I found this photo when I was sorting through all my loose photos.  It was taken in 1995.  Far Guy and I had moved from the resort ( it sold really fast!) in Minnesota to Buxton North Dakota with our four dogs to our oldest daughters house until we could find and purchase a home of our own.

Friends from Indiana came up to the resort for a week and Uncle Art and Auntie Kathy brought them over to the casino in Mahnomen Minnesota so we could see them and go out for supper….Mahnomen was just as good of a place to meet as any as it was about half way for both of us.

Our Friends from Indiana (Bill and Joan)  took this photo.

Me, Far Guy, Kathy and Art ( my cousin)

Kathy died on May 18 of this year.  It was her birthday a few days ago she would have been 67…not sure how they work birthdays up in heaven…maybe they just celebrate your heavenly birthday…or maybe both days the day you left heaven to come to this earth and the day you returned.

I got rid of my sweatshirt and those horrid white jean shorts a number of years ago…my clothes hoarding husband still has that same sweatshirt….he still had some a little hair back then.

 

Saying Goodbye

I had a very dear friend in Indiana who had ALS.  She called to tell me about it…and to say goodbye.  Her failing speech made phone conversations difficult and frustrating for her. We continued to write back and forth.  She loved my notecards and said they made her smile!   She requested no extraordinary measures…she was an ICU Nurse all her life and did not want to live on a vent.   She was at peace and was ready to leave this world where her body failed her but her mind was sharp as a tack.  I told her Bill would be waiting for her..and Abby too…she laughed and said “Won’t that be great!”  No more cards are going to Indiana.  The last card I sent her way was answered by her brother…she died early one morning. She escaped the ALS that overtook her body. Joan was 61 years old. I have known her for 27 years. Her husband Bill died several years ago. 

So when is goodbye final?  When I sent her brother a sympathy card?  When I get to see the date inscribed at Find a Grave?  When I do something special to honor her memory? 

I thought these bees were overloaded on pollen.  Then I noticed that the one in the center with the golden butt was not moving.  The others were buzzing around landing and taking off..perhaps it was a bee funeral…or perhaps the bee was almost dead and his/her friends were saying goodbye. There were many other plants to collect pollen from yet they picked this one to buzz around incessantly. They apparently knew something I did not.  

Celebration of Life…that’s what they are calling a service for another friend who died last Sunday.  He prepared his own obituary and had a hand in planning his service.  Mantle cell leukemia sucks. That service is planned for three weeks after his death.  Seems like a long time to wait..but I am sure  Faye wants to give him a great sendoff.

We are getting to the age where there will be more deaths, more celebrations of lives well lived and more letters in the mail with sad news. Many more goodbyes to say:(

News from a Friend

I communicate with a number of people by snail mail.  I have always been a good letter writer.  Some of my friends do not have computers and live simple unassuming lives. Sometimes I will mail them a copy of a blog.  More often than not they get one of my cards with a hand written note.  I have known some of the recipients of my cards since 1968.  That is a long letter writing history. 

I have known Joan since about 1980.  Two years ago the love of her life died and two weeks later his faithful dog gave up..it was a double whammy for her.  We talked on the phone ..lots..and she knows I hate the phone.  She called the other evening.

That day started out just like any other..I headed to work.  Sometimes something I see along the way will set the tone for the whole day…like some “you know what” in front of me poking along at 40 MPH.  A fox in the field.  Pretty clouds..you get the idea.  It is 14 miles to town..so it takes me about 15 minutes..sometimes 20 minutes.  As I entered town I notice the ambulance at the funeral home..someone died or some one called them for someone that was not yet dead. I have never seen an ambulance at the funeral home before..the hearse yes..but not an ambulance.  I had an unsettled feeling all day long.

Far Guy woke me up from my Olympic watching after supper slumber..the phone was for me.   I did not recognize the voice at first..it was somehow familiar and somehow strange.  It was Joan.  She said I have news for you “I have been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease, it has affected my speech.”

Could have knocked me over with a feather.  She had just returned from a cruise in the Mediterranean.   Here I was thinking that she was having a really good time and she did but as soon as she got home she started having muscle problems.  ALS or Lou Gehrig’s Disease attacks your voluntary muscles.  Your heart keeps beating etc..and your brain keeps working but you will have difficulty moving your arms and legs and swallowing and breathing..because even if those swallowing and breathing muscles are autonomic most of the time..they can be voluntary or somatic. ( You can breathe on purpose.)

The Doctors give her one to three years, much of which will depend on how fast the disease progresses.  Everyone is different.  The Neurologist says she needs a custom wheelchair and she has discussed her end of life wishes with all four of her Doctors. No ventilators and no feeding tubes.  She recently sold her home and moved into an apartment..so that she could travel more. Now that traveling will be in a wheelchair.  She was thinking of getting a dog, because she misses having a dog..but said “Now that is impossible, I cannot do that to a pet, who would take it when I die?” 

What do you say to someone who is dying?  I said “At least you know who is waiting for you.”  “None of us know exactly when our time will come..you have some time to prepare”  and “I will miss you.”

She has no children, but she has two sisters and a brother and a niece.  She may move in with her niece..her niece has asked her to consider it.  I encouraged her to give it some thought. 

I guess when you get older your friends start kicking the bucket one after another.  I am/was deeply saddened by the news from my friend:(

Now for the pretty picture.

Unity

Twelve years ago, our youngest daughter got married.

I wasn't sold, she claimed that this was the love of her life..I had heard that before..plus that I did not like her intended. I told him that too..I told him that time would tell and if he ever hurt my daughter he was going to be in deep do do. Well twelve years later, I can truly say..that I love the guy, the proof was last weekend when he had ripped out the stitches in his big owwie..and I had to hand over the tweezers and close my eyes while he pulled the remnants of the broken stitches out. Yew..I felt light headed..I am not usually bothered with gory stuff..unless I love you..then I will need a chair.

Unity Candle..two separate flames that become one..together the light is larger and stronger. Happy Twelfth Anniversary!

Clouds June 05, 2010 

This morning the phone rang early, it was a long time friend in Indiana. I knew right away that it was bad news. Bill has been fighting cancer valiantly for a number of years. They are non-computer friends, we communicate through phone calls and through snail mail. I knew he had hospice care at home..and it was only a matter of time. They have a really old dog named Maggie, that they rescued and made a home for after their next door neighbor died. Bill joked with Joan, that he wasn't sure which one of them was going to kick the bucket first. Maggie is sitting on the couch alone this morning, she will be a source of comfort for Joan for a little while. Unity..two people loving each other and their dogs (they had many over the years), through thick and thin, always being there for each other. One by one we must leave this world until the ultimate unity when we are all reunited in heaven:)