Christmas Party Advice

Well if you have not guessed by now, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are NOT my favorite time of year. I do not get it, never have, will I ever? I am attempting to work through this aversion. I am attempting through this blog to put things into their proper perspective. I believe I have some severe form of Holiday Ho Hums. Today we will venture into (insert danger music here) THE PARTY ZONE!

Never ever serve traveling guests Deviled Eggs and Egg Nog at 6 AM. I was served this once, yes we were to arrive at this Iowa get together at 9PM..unfortunately we were caught in an Ice Storm and our arrival was delayed by nine hours. I ate some of those fancy eggs and slurped some of that not so great nog..I still shudder at the thought.

Never ever count the number of Christmas trees in the entire house..it is impolite and tacky. You should only count the real trees..zero. It is also impolite to rearrange the decorations on those trees. You should not count the number of chaffing dishes on the buffet table, or exclaim "Love your Christmas China, everything is so matchy matchy."

If you are at a party and there is a hot pink and silver tree in the bathroom, and you start giggling and cannot stop. Other guests will stare at you. They will stare at you like you have two heads, one of which may be spinning around. I knew they would stare, I tried really hard, I stayed in there with that tree that must have been the spawn of Mary Kay Cosmetics until I thought my giggles were under control. As soon as I exited that bathroom, my giggles returned. The harder I tried to act normal the more I giggled. Far Guy said "Could you try to get a hold of yourself?" I tried, I really did. What did he want me to do..go outside and stick my head in a snowbank?

Oh the stress of those parties, and wanting to fit in. To look perfect, to say just the right thing at the right time.

Far Guys best friend Gary was in charge of me one year. Gary had a plan to keep me from being so nervous. Well the name of his little plan was Operation: Black Russian. It was only supposed to relax me a little, just enough to keep me from giggling. It was a nice try on his part, but apparently Gary misjudged my alcohol tolerance. I remember very little..the part I do remember involved sitting on the floor in the kitchen talking to the Generals dog while maids in cute little black uniforms with white aprons scurried about. I do recall Far Guy telling Gary " I told you she doesn't drink." Far Guy said "Why in the world did you feel compelled to converse with the dog?" Well duh..the dog was the most interesting person there.

Then there was always the big question of what to wear. Well if it is thirty below zero I am going to wear something warm. If I have spent all day in town Christmas Shopping freezing my butt off going from store to store while the North Dakota wind is blowing fifty miles an hour, the last thing on my mind is high fashion. I am thinking only of warmth. By the time I am delivered appropriated dressed in a non snow pants type outfit, and without a bit of alcohol to relax me. I am a bit tense, and their house is freezing cold, but they have a perfectly good wood burning fireplace with no wood to burn. I should have kept my blue lips shut and not said "I knew it was BYOB but I did not realize that it was BYOW..Bring Your Own Wood."

Well that about wraps up my party advice..one more thing..it's OK if you scatch me off of your Christmas party list:)

The photo today, is one cool party cat Chaucer, he belongs to our daughter Jen!