Memory loss, difficulty finding words, getting lost, unable to problem solve, unable to do two tasks at once.
My Dad has dementia, he has been struggling for a few years. Sometimes his inability to find the right words has him revert back to the Finnish language.
Yesterday we visited Mom and Dad in their assisted living apartment. Mom is not real happy being there she misses the house that they sold. Dad is okay there...his recliner and TV are in virtually the same spot as in their house. The food is good since Mom still cooks. Dad watches basically one program on Netflix Heartland. I like that show too and I can understand him liking it. Dad used to listen to baseball games on the radio and on TV...but he can no longer follow the game.
Yesterday Dad knew that I was "the oldest kid" and he was happy to see me. He asked me again "How old are you?" I finally told him 70 and he said "That is really old" He knew that he was 95. Most of the time he does not know what year it is or the month.
He thanked me in Finn for the card and a bit of money for his billfold. Kiitos.
My Dad is the last of his family...all of his brothers and sisters have died. He is the lone survivor. He is also a Bladder Cancer survivor since 1986. It is hard for him being the only one left, he misses his sister Anna very much.
I miss parts of my Dad; the memories and remember whens, the one with advice and an opinion, the one who would take the opposite side of a discussion just to be on the other side. ( If he didn't take the opposite side I would)
My Dad who smiles when he sees me and always welcomes a hug is still there for that I am grateful.
Far Side
My husband has to watch programs like Heartland too. Anything with an easy to follow story line is good. He likes boxing also but there is no story, just stuff happening and noise!
ReplyDeleteIt does sound like your dad adjusted well to his new surroundings. This is a good thing.
Nice that you can understand Finn ! That is neat.
I know how you feel as my mother suffered from dementia. It is really hard watching someone you love loose their memory. We had to put my mom in a Memory Care unit as my dad was unable to care for her. My mother was 82 when she passed away in 2002 and I miss her every day.
ReplyDeleteIt has to be so hard.I was not close to my parents, (Mother and stepfather)..they had no tolerance for kids and I just stayed in my room to stay out of their way. But for you who were a close knit family this has to be really difficult. I'm glad he knew you. I figured your Mother would miss her home. He looks good!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Heartland is one of my favorites and has been for years! I started watching it back in Iowa and that was at least 16 years ago.
ReplyDeleteMy parents didn't live long enough to develop dementia, so I don't know if it runs in the family or not. Your dad looks great for his age!
ReplyDeleteDementia is so difficult on families. My dad had it from a brain tumour. All the best.
ReplyDelete(ツ) from Cottage Country Ontario , ON, Canada!
Your post made me sad, but was also very sweet in some ways. It's nice that he does seem to take some joy in simple things, like having a few dollar in his wallet. Dementia is so cruel. I remember when my mother-in-law passed away at the age of 90, her one surviving sister said she just wasn't prepared to be the last of the 12 siblings.
ReplyDeleteI think it is harder on family members than the person with dementia. Maybe not when the symptoms are first noticed, but as the disease progresses.
ReplyDeleteAs long as he remembers you, that's a good thing. When my grandpa was going through it, he thought my mom was his wife, and he had no idea who we kids were. But he sure remembered things that had happened 50 years earlier.
Love what you have. I hope I don’t “outlive my usefulness”. My Sister Patsy used to say “ you can’t die just ‘cause you want to”. I still have things to do, but life is difficult.
ReplyDeleteSuch a heartbreaking yet heartwarming post. There is so much love in it. Dementia is a cruel animal. It slowly steals the things that make a person "them". I'm so glad that your Dad knows you and still loves you. Thank you for sharing with us. I've been praying for your Mom especially as she's missing her home of so many years. I can only imagine her loss. Our homes are so important to us and she was obviously a woman who loved hers.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and big hugs,
Betsy
Nice tribute to your Dad. It's sad that part of him is gone.
ReplyDeleteDave's grandma had memory issues on and off before she died. Some days, she was on the button, but others right out in space. She never, ever, EVER forgot Dave though.
ReplyDeleteI love that your dad still smiles for you. It's great that they've been able to make assisted living more comfortable for themselves.
Yeah...
ReplyDeleteHe is 95? Wow, that is incredible! Handsome man. Gigi hawaii
ReplyDeleteA poignant Father's Day. Fill your heart up and break it at the same time.
ReplyDeleteDementia is crewel, and especially for close family members. Your mom has to deal with seeing her life mate fade away as well as being uprooted from her home. It's good that you are near enough to visit often.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you are glad your father is still with you. However, it must be sad to watch his mind deteriorate. My mother is starting to have some mental issues (we think it's dementia) and it is hard for me to see how she's changed in the year since I've seen her. I know our parents can't last forever, but it's hard to see them age.
ReplyDeleteYour Dad looks a healthy one & looks way younger than 95. It's good both the parents can still live together & care for each other at this phase in their life. Karen
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your dad, it's hard on everyone who loves him. I sympathize with your mom missing her home.
ReplyDeleteDementia is a bitch and a half my pop cared for my nan for over 10yrs having no help at all and never complained and it was hard work
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your dad's dementia. It's good that they are in a safe place and that you can check in on them often. My mother in law suffered from mild dementia and it was sad to watch her struggle to remember things. She was in a facility about two hours from us. We went to see her every two weeks, sometimes she knew us and sometimes not.
ReplyDeleteIt must be incredibly hard to see your Dad fade away. It's great that he still has a smile for you and welcomes a hug.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see that picture of your Dad, Connie. I'm sorry he's losing his memory but I'm glad he still knows you and enjoys your hugs and visits. I'm sad that your Mom is not happy in their new place....my Mom felt the same way when my folks moved from their house to an apartment. My folks passed away at 81 and 82. You are blessed to have yours around even longer.
ReplyDeleteIt is a tough situation and yet I am glad he does the same things everyday which keeps him settled. My wife's older brother gave us a lot of problems in settling an estate, we thought he had just become hateful towards us. Five years later we now know it wasn't really her brother but a man developing dementia. His wife keeps him at home and it isn't a good situation. We wish we could help her out more but she lets one sister help her only. I guess your supporting your mom as much as you can is the best you can do.
ReplyDeleteIt's great you still have your Dad, and see glimpses of his old self sometimes. But I'm sure it must be incredibly hard watching him go through this. Must be really tough on your Mom too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your Dad and all of you have to deal with this. Dementia is difficult for everyone it touches. I'm glad he likes his new home but I'm sorry your Mom doesn't. I'm sure all of this must be difficult for her. It's good you are near enough to visit them. I send my best for your parents and for the family as well.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post about your dad - - and mom, too. She is a good wife to be with him while living in a place she does not prefer.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I missed for you is when your dad wasn't able to go to Bingo anymore. He used to really enjoy doing that with you.
Seasons of life are hard on our hearts.
You may have told us but who bought their house? I am thinking it was younger family members?
That was beautiful and sad, all at the same time. My grandmother had Dementia it's a horrible thing to see and the watch.
ReplyDeleteI do think it's neat he can remember his native tongue and that you can also speak and understand it. That is cool! (And write it)
My heart goes out to you and your Mom...also your Dad. Because he does know something is not right anymore.
Hugs to all of you.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a bittersweet post...bits of happy mixed in with the sad. That is life I guess...I guess I have been finding that out the past few years. Seasons of Life...what the one comment called it. She is right.
ReplyDeleteThis was a sweet post celebrating your father. I'm sorry about the dementia. It is a cruel disease.
ReplyDelete