Saturday, March 6, 2010

Retirement Communications

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yesterday we had coffee with old friends from North Dakota who are newly "retired"..they are still in the honeymoon stage of their retirement.  They are still getting on each others nerves.  They are in the process of finishing their lake home here in Minnesota and moving..stress is just a little high in their household.   They are taking separate vacations because one of them will not leave the dog alone.  One does not have her passport yet, we are waiting for her..she had her bad hip done at Mayo.   They have issues, one is a night person, one goes to bed at 9PM..one gets stuck with all the cooking..one is content to stay home and do jigsaw puzzles..one is a people person and makes the rounds having coffee every morning.  

This is Penny, a sweet old gal..the one that they don't want to leave alone.  She cannot walk on the hardwood floors..so they have a trail of scatter rugs that go from her dog bed to a huge area rug..they have steps ..she struggles with them.  I took several photos of her..she has very soulful eyes.  She probably won't live much longer..she is twelve..I think that it is really sad that dogs don't live very long..they have to cram a whole lot of living in just a few years.

New retirees..they have to cram a whole bunch of things in before they croak or medical aliments or old dogs keep them home... there are lots of "honeymoon" issues that have to be worked out too..being together 24/7 can be a real joy or a real problem in retirement, communication is a must.  Communication is something we could all work at. Especially men.

Lately Far Guy says that I forget to tell him stuff.  Me..who is on no medication that makes me forget..me who tells him stuff..he who replies "Yes dear" ..me who writes stuff on the calendar..as a reminder that we must be someplace...he who doesn't look at the calender.  The other day after I talked to Bob on the phone at 9PM because Barb had gone to bed..I told Far Guy.. we will have coffee with them on Friday..he said "OK" so I added it to our calendar....then when Bob called yesterday morning..Far Guy knew nothing about it.. sometimes I feel just like banging my head against the wall..instead it appears that I have just been talking to the wall.  I am not sure what the solution is..I am communicating..someone is not listening..does he need a hearing aid or should I have him sign little post it notes all day long.  That is Bob and Barbs method of insuring that they have communicated..they leave each other little "love notes".. and Bob had a whole pocket full:)

22 comments:

  1. Unless this would bother Far Guy I would make sure his shirts had pockets then once a day I would take the notebbook he keeps in the pocket and make a list of what's happening, times, etc. Maybe this would work? While he is watching tv he could get it out of his pocket and see what's happening. :)

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  2. Smart Guy and I have almost every one of those problems: he's not very sociable, I am; he's a night person, I'm in bed by 9:00; he does the grocery shopping and cooking, I eat his stuff. We got around it by each of us doing our own thing and having some time every day to be together. It works great for us! Retirement has actually turned out to be easy, with communication so important, I agree!

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  3. My husband had been retired for 5 years before I did...he probably had a lot more adjusting than I did when I finally retired. Especially on what TV shows to watch when we were both home. ha Now, I have been retired 2 years this coming June and we have it down! Now, I really miss him if I am away from him and he gets lonesome without me. We really don't want to do things away from each other...it is like our first honeymoon. We use a calendar alot and we both remind each other of upcoming events. It is so funny that once you are retired you forget the date or what day of the week it is. One thing we both agree on: we like to sleep in now and we don't like to go shopping on weekends. ha

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  4. Retired or not we gals just have to keep reminding our guys of what is scheduled for 'em. They are all like Dory and have that short term memory disorder! Heeeheeehe!

    Have a great Saturday and hang in there! :o)

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  5. I have to agree with Nezzy -- short term "memory" disorder and possibly selective hearing....

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  6. You've gotta have a plan for retirement....CityBoy and i learned that after 6 months of sitting around looking at each other.....!!!Plus we discovered we like to work.....so part-time jobs were a must for both of us....And the hearing/listening problem.....when you find an answer...let me know!!

    Enjoy.....LindaMay

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  7. I agree it is a male selective hearing disorder!

    Jackie

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  8. I dislike the thought of retirement! I've worked with my man 24/7 but to think of staring across the table with nothing to do...........shoot me!

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  9. i would not leave that dog, either. what a face.

    funny about far guy .... my mother does that to me. i'll tell her it's my niece's birthday (her granddaughter) and she'll stare at me, mouth agape, and then shout, "you were supposed to tell me!!!"

    yeah, i did tell you. and i bought you a calendar and wrote them all down on the calendar. and you hung the calendar inside a closet and never remember to look at it .....

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  10. Funny how husbands can remember everything they are supposed to at work but not at home. We are sooooo looking forward to retirement but it is a few years off yet.

    That poor doggie. We did the same thing for our lab when his hips were going out. We had carpets everywhere and just about had to carry him down the 2 stairs to go outside for the bathroom.

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  11. I think it helps to communicate when both people are in the same room! Oh jeez I hope you don't forget to put drops in your eye again tonight, you only have to do it like once a day.

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  12. The Retired One is so right. Now that I'm retired there's no it's Monday I have to go to work or happy Friday, so half the time I have to really think about what day it is.

    Whenever I see a mystery story and the police say, where were you on Tuesday at 8:30pm? I know they'd take me directly to jail, because I would have no idea :-)

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  13. I hear you and I feel for you. I understand it all. I have a retired forgetter in my house too. He doesn't remember anything anymore. Not only did his body retire - so did his mind. And he can't blame it on medication. His mind just went into lockdown the day he left his job behind. His last dying breath will be the words "I forgot" Good thing my hubby has me to do the bills, the taxes, the shopping, make HIS doctor appointments, and everything else. The only thing he hasn't forgot is how to drove me insane.

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  14. Oh I loved this, I can relate. I think you have to get eye contact before you can assume they've heard you. And we're not even retired yet.

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  15. What a wonderful dog! Had to laugh at the communication problem... sounds very familiar - no matter what your age! ;-)

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  16. Great story, Connie! I love the intuitive way you can read folks so well and then share your life with us, too.

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  17. I was lauging out loud, this is my parents, all the way!! We are in the busy stage of our lives with teenagers, orthodonists, friends and sports, so a calendar is a BIG must in this house too! We are not retired, and my Hubs doesn't remember either. It's a man thing. He says that's what I'm for.:)

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  18. Geez, I don't know whether to look forward to retirement now or not!! My hubby is already hard of hearing (army crap) and if he adds complete forgetfulness to that when we retire, I give up!!!

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  19. I'm not officially retired and my husband is still working full time at age 62...

    but, we still have communication issues. I think I could have written this post. ha ha.

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  20. Oh deary me you did have me a gigglin' there for quite some time, thought I would drop the computer. Sounds like the Vick household, but Dirt doesn't take meds, and yet... I have given up, I figure if I'm gonna get in trouble for not telling him, I might as well not bother. He doesn't really care it is the person who he was supposed to contact and then Dirt says in front of them, "I didn't know..." Oh dear me, and we are not to retirement yet, not that we will actually ever retire, just croak, which may... nah, we can handle it, sorta funny most of the time.

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  21. I want to retire first and then my husband!! I know it will be an adjustment. When he travels and then comes back in town it is always hard. Sounds like you all are doing great!

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Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comments! If you have a question I will try to answer it here. Connie